I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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