even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
mondays should just be called national damage control day
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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