my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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