i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
How's work?
Spinning.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
