grandma shit on top of the toilet
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
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