Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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