just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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