imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
