Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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