his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
