The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Randomize
