Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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