I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
