im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
