I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
