I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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