Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
