Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
