well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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