Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
