How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
