When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
