I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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