Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
