I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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