she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
