I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
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We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
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I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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