Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
