Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
