He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
