So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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