he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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