if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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