Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
