hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
