i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
