3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
