If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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