I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
