If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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