Where did you get a picture of my penis
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
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