Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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