Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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