I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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