That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
