it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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