I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
