upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
