My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
