Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
