We're facebook friends in real life
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
