I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
As shirtless as possible
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
