Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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