Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
