I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
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that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
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My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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