Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
