I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
