So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize