dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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