I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
