$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did you pee in the oven last night??
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
