I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
grandma shit on top of the toilet
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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