And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
