My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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