Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
