A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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