My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
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Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
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She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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