There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
